I want to shift culture and I want to make change. Each group of people has a culture. My team at work, my family, my household, you get the idea. I have worked in my profession to shift corporate culture, to help grow a learning culture and I believe that I have shifted culture in my own home, but to be honest those shifts have happened because all parties were willing to make that shift; to do the work. How do we shift culture when all members of the group may not be ready? This is the question I want to answer.
I owned a business for just over eight years. I loved my business. I loved that I created this thing out of nothing and poured my own vision into it on a daily basis. I worked tirelessly to nurture this business and was willing to sacrifice anything for it; my financial stability, my relationship and at the end, the business itself.
For the last two and a half years I have been on my own, a little lost, but in recovery. I am an addict, an entrepreneurial addict. Addiction will consume you if you let it and it consumed me, to the point that at the end of the eight years, there was not much left but a shadow.
My life is good, it is happy. It is filled with a home in a neighborhood that I love. I have friends, I am close to family, I have a fulfilling job that I believe makes a difference in the lives of others, and I have a marriage that I am more proud of than anything else. I have structured my life so that I have time to do things like write, meditate, travel, work on my relationships and start another business. My recovery has involved paying off the six figure debt I created so that I can move forward “free and clear” and it has involved asking myself some important questions about success and what it means. To me success is not about money (although a helpful tool), it is about making a difference and affecting change.
I miss being an entrepreneur, I miss the title and I miss the confidence that it gave me. The most difficult part about being in recovery is the fear and complacency. The failure has made me afraid to jump and the part that makes me angry is that I know there is no integrity in fear, and I pride myself on being a person who lives in a space of integrity.
I am tired of being complacent. I am done waiting for MY life to happen, done sitting on the edge. I am ready to jump, to begin taking risks again. I get to make a connection and I get to set the tone with this life, my life.